Real Moms Have Stretch Marks

It's funny. In a world with endless tragedy, sad stories, and disasters that fill the news pages, i still manage to get up every day and lead a pretty great life. Movie stars are crazy, singers are lazy, and no one is a good role model when the video tapes come out. And yet, despite the fact that The Bachelorette never finds lasting love, I sleep well at night, laugh a lot, and have so much to be thankful for that i often lose track of my blessings.

I'm not rich, I'm not famous, and no one really cares what happens to me outside of my family and friends. I drive a mini-van, I do my own grocery shopping, and I spend most of my vacations within the continental United States. I change diapers, scrub toilets, and i jump on the trampoline for fun. I am solely responsible for cooking and feeding four people EVERY day. And because of (not despite) all this, I consider myself one of the luckiest people on the face of the earth.

How? some people may ask. For the last nine years i have been blessed to call myself a mom. Now, that doesn't get a lot of attention, unless of course, i'm a recovering meth addict who's now a great mom, or a movie star/model who manages to "do it all" in addition to a fabulous career. No, the regular moms who drive car pool, make tuna casseroles, and spend so much time doing laundry that we decorate the laundry rooms a la Southern Living, don't elicit a lot of fanfare. But those people who think that the face of a real mom is found on the covers of People and Redbook, have no idea that regular, average, run-of-the-mill moms pretty much have the world on a string.

When you are a mom, lonely is a word that doesn't even register in your vocabulary. Can i get a witness? Bathroom, shower, telephone conversations, grocery shopping with balloons attached to my cart for the sake of a little sanity--all are conducted with my entourage in tow. Dinners out (even at chick-fil-a) with a baby on the lap and a utensil in one hand have become the norm for how to eat and cook. And who can forget bedtime? I know i'm not the only one who more than once a week winds up with an extra person in the bed. Yeah, and if I don't return your phone calls, you already know why. And if you don't call me, well, let's just say my feelings aren't hurt and i'll look forward to your phone calls when Tate starts kindergarten. Like i said, i can't even imagine being lonely; and i really don't want to.

I am never at a loss for quotable material,either. In fact if i were smart i'd walk around carrying a mini tape recorder so i wouldn't miss a thing. Just yesterday, Tanner came in to tell me that he'd never be able to take a shower or bath again (serious face). He'd suffered some sort of cut or bug bite that kept him from immersing his foot in water, so cleansing via water was out of the question, forever it seems. And in another very serious conversation, Tucker was asking if people from Mississippi are called Mississippians. "Well, what are Mexicans called?" Tanner now wants to know. And they think they can't make me laugh!

Honesty. I've already written about the brutal honesty that comes from tucker's mouth, but really it never gets old. At Silver Sneakers the other day, i was putting out one of our exertion charts and talking to one of my members at the same time. Tucker came in and asked what I was doing with it. I told him it was kind of a list of rules, and right there, in front of my over 55 member says, "oh yeah, old people like to follow rules." Swear to it y'all.

I can't mention honesty without throwing in a little bit of lying with it. When your kids tell you they want a WII not for themselves, but because they have yoga and other aerobics things for me, i have to laugh. Similarly, when they spot a gorgeous celebrity on the cover of one of those very magazines i scoff at and tell me "she" looks just like me, i marvel at their attempt.

I guess what it boils down to is that i've just seen one too many shots of Britney and her kids, and all the other stars who really put shame to the term of mom that i can't stand it anymore. Real moms ROCK, and deserve the credit that gets heaped too many times on the lame excuses who don't know what it's like to sit up at night with a sick baby or watch the same Barney video so many times you hum the songs while out for a jog. Seriously, i know i'm not the only one who has looked around the room to discover that she's watching Phineas and Ferb and the children are nowhere to be found.

So kudos to all the real moms who work, cook, chauffeur, clean, and still manage to read books, run races, have dates with their husbands, and vacation at the beach without having their every move documented for America's enjoyment. Even bigger kudos to those same moms who actually realize how lucky they are and are enjoying every loud, sticky, sleep-deprived moment.