What Mom Really Means

Last week i wrote (vented) about words and phrases that Tucker and Tanner frequently use that, how shall i put this, drive me nuts. Well, i figured that if i were going to dissect their language and all the hip, new things kids are saying these days, it would only be fair to analyze my own vocabulary, all the unhip, old-fashioned things we moms keep repeating. After thinking long and hard about this blog, and all the important statements, questions, commands, complaints, etc, I should address, i realized that this will not only be good for Tucker and Tanner (and one day Tot), but billy might also really benefit from a deeper understanding of many of my utterings. What really got me started was at dinner tonight as i'm serving up chili in bowls. The utensils are on the table, the drinks have been poured, and the condiments for chili within arm's reach. Coach looks at me and says, "Do we have any onions?"

Now let me just set the stage. It is thursday night, after 8:00. the three of them have just returned from football practice and it is almost the end of a very busy week: practices, revival, bootcamp, homework. I, too, had just returned from a shopping trip with a less than willing partner who decided that since i wouldn't share my chick-fil-a coke with him, not only would he not eat his nuggets but he would also scream the whole way home, the whole 17 miles from exit to exit, screaming despite the radio and the music HE likes, despite the windows rolled down and the wind whipping through his golden blonde hair, despite my promises of his own drink when we get home.

Ahem, back to the onions. What Coach really means by asking if we have onions is "I want onions with my Chili." So what Mom really means when she says, "no we don't have any" is, you have a better chance of growing hair on your head right now than getting me to cut onions on a Thursday night at 8:15. So that led to this and all the other WMRM's:

What Mom Really Means When . . .

I ask you, "Tucker are those your shorts on the floor in front of the TV?"
WMRM: PICK those shorts up and do with them whatever needs to be done!

I ask you if you want me to help you study for your test.
WMRM: Bring me your study sheets we are GOING to study.

Has anyone checked the mail?
WMRM: somebody/ anybody has about 5 seconds to thrust a handful of junk mail and bills into my face.

Is Tate in there?
WMRM: Basically the same as the above. SOMEONE put a hand on that baby and get him out of the toilet, off the kitchen table, or away from my wallet PRONTO!

This is your school project and it's your job to do well on it.
WMRM: You and i are working on this project together buddy, b/c don't you realize that if you turn in some piece of crap project the teacher is going to think I"M the one who is lazy and uncreative. your name may be on the posterboard, but my reputation is at stake.

"Hey, let's do something different for supper tonight. that sounds fun, right?"
WMRM: Daddy is working tonight and you boys are stuck with me, so basically it's whatever i can find in the fridge/freezer. now smile:)

Don't stay out too late tonight--film can wait."
WMRM: I'll see you about 4:00 this morning after you've watched film, done laundry, and eaten God only knows what after midnight. Just be careful coming home:)

And finally, You boys are killing me!!
WMRM: Despite the fact that i rarely get a moment of rest, diapers never go away, and homework is sometimes a nightmare, I couldn't imagine my life without y'all!