i know i've written about Tanner already, but after the news i got this week i just couldn't help myself. I came home from a crazy but typical morning and sat down with tate to check my e-mail-- a message from Tanner's teacher: his CRCT (state test) results. Before i clicked on the message, i couldn't help but think about a 1 pound, 13 ounce baby boy, a baby born 15 weeks early and all the fears we once had.
The doctors didn't beat around the bush with me about Tanner's future. A host of problems awaited him, if he survived. And for 17 weeks, he kept us wondering. He couldn't seem to breathe on his own, though the doctors tried often to wean him off the different oxygen machines he had available. He couldn't tolerate breast milk or formula through his feeding tube and was forced to rely on nutrition through an IV. Ironically, the nutrients in that IV were so strong that after too long they would begin to take a toll on his kidneys and liver. The amount of oxygen he needed caused the blood vessels in his eyes to grow, threatening to cause his retinae to detach. Surgery was definitely a possibility. He couldn't stand having a ventilator down his throat, and when he was strong enough would wind his tiny fingers around the tube and Yank!, just enough to pull it out and cause distress and monitors to sound, subsequently leading to paralytic drugs and morphine to ease the discomfort. Perhaps most frightening was that all that oxygen would very likely cause some damage to his brain, and cerebral palsy was a condition that loomed over our heads. He had to get better; We had to come to grips with the fact that the very things that were keeping him alive were also damaging his tiny little body.
But then, after 17 weeks of tubes, machines, pokes and prods, Tanner came home. It was as if one day he just decided it was time to get better and go home. Before they would let him go home, though, the doctors ordered 5 brains scans(they wanted to be 100% positive); they found NOTHING, no damage, no brain bleeds! Was it a miracle? We had certainly prayed for one, but would Tanner fare as well in all the other areas where preemies struggle?
Flashforward 7 years to the e-mail from Mrs. Matovina informing me that Tanner has EXCEEDED in all areas of his tests!! The baby who was predicted to need speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy blew the test out of the water (my words, not theirs:)). The baby we were just glad to LEAVE the hospital with reads chapter books above grade level. The kid who tried to break the record at the NICU for longest stay made a 100 on his Math benchmark earlier this year. The kid who never needed the Oxygen machine they sent us home with plays baseball and football and rides a Razor scooter with reckless abandon, like a kid trying out for the X games.
Was it a miracle? Do miracles happen today? It's funny how we take a word and change its context. "It's a miracle I passed that test!" or "It's a miracle we won a game." The word is so loosely thrown around that maybe i'm a little guilty of taking MY miracle for granted, but I'll never, ever forget what we all went through for 17 weeks, on pins and needles, waiting for something to happen, waiting on a miracle. Today, Tanner is a typical kid who does typical things a 7 year old does. He disobeys, he talks back, he laughs alot, he helps alot, he loves alot. It's easy to forget that we were so close to losing that precious baby, that I could have been one of those moms who as Erma Bombeck says,"had to give a baby back." I get goosebumps just typing those words. So whether he exceeded the standards or simply met them, whether he strikes out or hits a home run, I'm just relishing every moment, sitting back and watching my miracle grow.
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